Griswold Christmas...a tale of the Woods' family Christmas tree

One of our favorite holiday traditions is choosing our Christmas tree.  Every year on the first Saturday in December we go to the same farm, cut down the same type of tree, bring it home, and decorate it.  Since we have tall ceilings in our family room, we usually get a tree that stands around 11’ tall.  We set out this year thinking it would be the same as years past except, of course, this would be Cooper’s first trip to get a tree.  However, we realized very quickly that this year would be a little different.

Excited to start our day....

All ready to pick out our Christmas tree!

The girls all ready to help!

We left the house around 10:00 and I had hoped to be home by halftime of the UNC game (which started at 1:00) and be done with the tree by the SEC Championship game at 4:00.  Once we arrived, we realized that there were no trees in the height we liked.  There were shorter trees (6’ to 8’) and taller trees (18’ to 22’), but none in the height range we were looking for.  We remembered there was another farm nearby and figured we would try to find our perfect tree there.  Upon leaving, the owner of the farm informed us that, due to a drought 4 and 5 years ago, the type of tree and the height we wanted were not available.  He was also kind enough to inform us that “the drought was not just at this farm” so we were unlikely to find one at any of the nearby farms.  Ignoring the man who makes a living selling Christmas trees, we proceed to the other farm.

Thirty or so minutes later, we arrive at the other farm only to realize the man was right.  There were absolutely no trees at the height we wanted.  As we wandered the farm just hoping one was hiding somewhere it dawned on me that we had seen a perfect looking tree at the original farm, it was just much taller than what we wanted (by probably 8 or 9 feet).  What seemed like a great idea at the time, we decided to drive back to the original farm, cut the enormous tree, trim it down to the height we wanted, and head home.  Seems simple enough, right?

We return to the original farm and realize that it is much busier than our first stop earlier that morning.  We figured this wouldn’t be an issue since we knew the exact tree we wanted, we’d be in and right out.  One of the workers handed us a bow saw and we were on our way.  We got to the spot where the taller tree was and it’s gone.  Fortunately, there were a few trees just like it close by.  They just weren’t as nice looking as the original.  We finally chose one and were ready to cut it down.  As I approached the tree it I realized I was about to cut a 20’ tree down with a dull bow saw, probably not the best idea.  Dawn goes and asks the worker who gave us the saw if he can help and bring a chain saw.  Mind you, this is a big farm.  By the time he makes it to where our tree is a good thirty minutes have passed. 

Woods family Christmas tree

Maggie taking a break...

Both girls are ready to go home....

He finally arrived with the saw, only to learn that it is out of gas.  He said he’d be “right back” and another thirty minutes go by.  He finally returned with a gassed up chain saw and an assistant as well.  The boys finally got to work and fifteen minutes later, the tree was on the ground.  It was about this time that I had my first “oh sh**” moment.  A tree that big seems a whole lot bigger once it is on the ground.  After a lot of grunting and groaning, the three of us somehow managed to get the tree on top of the Explorer.  We figured that hard part was over at that point.  All that was left was the short ride over to the barn, we'd then trim the tree down, and we would be on our way.  Not quite.

We made it to the barn with the tree and the farm workers (who rode on the running boards) still intact.  The workers had told us that trimming a Leyland Cypress (which is the tree we always get) that much is tricky because of how the branches grow upward.  We thought it would be ok because, once again, we know more than the people that do this for a living.  Well, once it came time to cut it we finally realized what they were talking about.  At this point, I was hungry, tired, had already missed the UNC game, and I was now in danger of missing the start of the SEC Championship game.  I said to Dawn and the workers, “we’ll figure it out when we get home.”  Famous last words.   The four of us loaded the tree on the Explorer and we were finally on our way. 

Yep, that's our tree!!

 It was definitely an eventful ride home; it was like the scene from Christmas Vacation.  The thirty minute ride home took about 45 and we got a lot of stares on the way.  My 2^nd “oh sh**” moment occurred when I realized that I no longer had 2 or 3 other guys helping me maneuver this tree.  “Oh well” I figured, I’d just have to deal with it.  As the tree makes a crashing “thud” as it hits the ground when I took it off the Explorer, some of the neighbors looked on and made a few comments (again, Christmas Vacation).  I cut the rope off and started dragging this bad boy in the garage to start the trimming.  Once I had it in the garage, it seemed like a better idea to get the tree up and then trim it (I have no idea why, but it made sense at the time).  So I dragged the tree out of the garage, up the front steps, through the foyer, and into the family room.  I think this is when Dawn had her first “oh sh**” moment.

Griswold Christmas....

I explained my logic to her and, like a good wife, she went along with it although she without a doubt knew much better.  So she was going to hold the base steady as I stood this tree up.  Yes, this nearly 20’ tree.  Needless to say, this attempt was laughable.  I couldn’t even get this monstrosity over my head.  My next great idea is to connect the base, then Dawn and I would team up on standing up the tree.  Although we made it a little further, still laughable.  I soon realized that I “definitely should have trimmed it first” and dragged the tree back out the front door.  Thank God, Dawn and her infinite wisdom prevailed as she brought to my attention that the two of us (without the assistance of some heavy duty machinery) would never get this up on our own.  Enter Marty.

Thankfully our good friends Marty and Robyn live around the corner and are always willing to help us out.  Well, I’m not so sure this is the case anymore after this episode.  He showed up, chain saw in tow and willing to do whatever we needed.  I think Marty had his own “oh sh**” moment when we first saw the tree.  By the grace of God, the three of us somehow managed to get the tree upright.  Although now we had a whole new set of problems.  The tree was so heavy that Marty and I could not let go, but we still had to slide it back about seven feet to get it in the corner.  We somehow managed to do that and then it’s “oh sh**” moment four, the top of the tree is touching the ceiling, it is covering up part of the tv mounted on the wall, and covering up part of the fireplace.  WAY, WAY, WAY too much tree.  

Where's Waldo...

At that point in time, hours into this endeavor, we just say to heck with it.  We decided to drag this tree back outdoors, fire up the chain saw, and take off whatever amount of the tree that we felt was necessary.  If it ended up looking worse than the Charlie Brown Christmas tree, it wouldn't have mattered at that point.  We ended up taking a good seven feet or so off the tree and brought it back in the house.  Although it was still a pretty good sized tree at eleven feet, it felt like a plant compared to what it was before.  It actually didn't look all that bad either.  Finally, the tree was up!

To say the least, it was an eventful day.  What I thought would be a two or three hour task turned out to be an all day catastrophe.  By the time it was all said and done, all the games that I was sure I’d be watching that day were over and both Dawn and I were tired and miserable.  Needless to say, Cooper had been fast asleep for several hours and missed out on a lot of it.  We actually waited until the next day to decorate the tree and hang the lights on it.  At the end of the day, the tree looked pretty good and we were pleased with how it all turned out.  In addition, we were able to add another anecdote to the ongoing saga that is the Griswold, err I mean Woods Family Christmas!

The finished product with a WHOLE LOT of work!!